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Choose Love

Writer's picture: libbyrubachalibbyrubacha

In the last post, we explored what the Bible says love is. Those things are great to strive for, but what about those days when we just don’t “feel” love for our spouse? We won’t always feel it. Those irritations or annoyances will always be there. Love is a choice, and we have to make the choice every day to love one another.


In a Facebook live video interview with Oprah, Pastor Wintley Phipps said, “Love is when you choose to be at your best when the other person is not at their best. Love is when what you want is never important. But what the other person needs and wants is always paramount. (SuperSoul, 2018)” If you truly love someone, both of these statements will ring true.


When we first get married, our spouse is so important to us. We want to spend all of our time together, and we still have butterflies in our stomachs. But what happens when we have kids, or we get stressed at our job? We have so many priorities that our spouse doesn’t always get the time and attention they deserve. Then our feelings of love can seem to disappear.


Matt and I went through years of just living together and not really feeling love for each other. Through some of the hardest situations we have faced in our marriage, we have learned that there are many days that we still have to fight in order to feel love. I can tell you that I “feel” love more often when I try to live according to 1 Corinthians 13. I also “feel” more love for him when I follow Pastor Phipp’s words. When Matt is not at his best, but I choose to love him through it, no matter what he says or does. And when I choose to “let him have his way” because making him happy is more important than what I want, and putting his needs above my own, my “feelings” of love show up. Sometimes this can be really hard.

In order to make a change in our marriage, Matt and I had to come to the end of ourselves. My hard heart had to soften and be ready to stand against the challenges we face. My attitude toward him had to change because it was causing me to fight against him, not with him.


Together, we found openness and honesty, and now we have constant communication. We also make a point to spend time with each other every evening. We did this by choosing a devotional book to read together and taking evening walks. We broke down the walls that were holding us back.


We do our best to be patient and kind when we speak of our struggles, even if it is something the other person doesn’t want to hear. We do our best to communicate in a loving way even when we are upset, and we are learning to control our anger. We are doing our best to work through past hurts. We are trying to always put the other person’s needs ahead of our own and protect the other person from being hurt.


We have hope that our fighting through our hurts and circumstances will make our marriage stronger, healthier, and whole. Are we always successful at living this way? NO! But, we strive to do better every day. I do know that when I choose to love, I feel love, and when I feel love, I want to love in the way 1 Corinthians describes.


1 Corinthians 13:9 says “love never fails.” I wish I could say that human love never fails, but only God’s love never fails. I think this verse means failing as giving up. Because our spouse will fail us from time to time. ! Corinthians 13:10 says that when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. No one is perfect. Your marriage will never be perfect because you and your spouse will never be perfect. But when you choose to love instead of relying on the feeling of love, you don’t see all of their little flaws, and those imperfections will not be as magnified.


1 Peter 4:8(TLB) “ Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love makes up for many of your faults.” When I choose to love my husband despite his faults and flaws, the less I see those things that irritate me and I can focus on all of those things that he does that do make me feel love.


So, choose love, choose to be your best even when he is not, and make his needs a priority.


Lord, thank you for blessing me with a wonderful husband. Help me to always choose love and not rely on my feelings of love. Help me to remember all of the good things and not dwell on his flaws. Help me to make his needs a priority and help me to be the helpmate that you have called me to be. Amen


Journal prompt: Have I made the choice to love today? Do I need to adjust my attitude so that I can feel love for my husband? What do I love most about him?




SuperSoul.(2018, February 14).Wintley Phipps shares his definition of love[videofile]. Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/SuperSoulSunday/videos/1545968755450639


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